Because I Love You
by ProcurerFaith
Summary: Repost: When Matt is given the option to bring TK back from the clutches of death, he barely pauses for thought at the sacrifice he must make...


Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together.

**Author's Note; 24th June 2008** – Please remember, edits may not quite appear as you remember them, as I'm hashing together the beta and the original uploads. I do not plan to come back and amend this work (if I start picking holes in it, I'll never stop XD)

_**Because I Love You**_

TK could hear himself scream, even though he knew it to be the type of scream uttered only in dreamspace. He knew that, although the scream he made was not physical, the tears that would be running from the eyes in his earthly body were.

_No, not this dream again…I can't be having this dream… I-I can't be seeing this, I wasn't there, I wasn't alive; I was dead… I can't have this dream, but Tai says everything in it, every time, is just how it happened… Could it be that I inherited memories from him too? I remember things now that it's impossible for me to be able to remember, memories from before I was born…_

From within the gateway to the nightmare came a far away voice, but one TK would know until and beyond his final days.

"_Because I love you"_

His own protests renewed.

_No, brother, no… If you loved me, you would never have done what you did…you would have left me there, dead…_

Again, the knowledge of tears more physical than the memory of the dream.

_You should have left me for dead, brother…_

TK slipped away, deeper, into the dream world. Like the last image caught in the TV screen, the last image that had struck his eyes in the digital world, before the darkness, haunted the inside of his eyelids once again. A glowing ball, blazing hot like fire, but striking him without burn. Instantaneous darkness.

No pain.

Surprisingly, no pain.

The screams he heard weren't his, as the light of his eyes winked out like the imploding star.

_And now I hear you, brother… Now I hear you once again…_

"TK!" Matt screamed, tears running down his face. He ran to his lifeless little brother. Once too many times he had tempted Fate, and now Fate had decided to get nasty. His speed was equalled only by his inability to really comprehend the enormity of what had just happened.

_And now I feel you pain…your suffering…I feel your heart break in your chest…_

Kneeling down beside TK, Matt rolled him over. His brother's eyes were vacant, staring only at the half-light of the imaginary dawn. Matt could hear the grief and tears of the people around him who had realised exactly what had happened, and the stunned silence of those who were still unsure.

"Brother?" Matt whispered, unable to see though the sheer quantity of tears. He pulled the younger blood closer, trying to find a way to make the pain less real, to make it have less reason for being.

"TK, don't you _dare_ ignore me!" screamed Matt, tugging at his brother's top, dragging him up from the floor. Still, no record of the words logged in TK's eyes.

Buried as deep within his grief as a body in the grave, Matt did not notice the others in the group, did not notice the colours in the world, did not notice that there was a world around him. Did not notice that the digimon responsible for this atrocity was still on the rampage, failed to notice that the battle for supremacy still carried on.

Instead, still blinded by the burn of tears, he lifted his late brother from the ground, holding him tightly, and walked away. Walked until he could walk no more, walked as far as his shock- stricken body would take him. He finally fell down by a tree, still holding TK closely. He wouldn't have remembered ever having seen La Pieta, and knew not the name, but took up the eternal picture.

Words, from a poem once read, took up sudden residence in his mind. He spoke them as they arrived, not really hearing them, but reciting them from a hidden song sheet somewhere deep inside.

"I will wake you when the dawn comes,

No eternal slumber in darkness whilst I

Am here to watch you. No,

Dreams to be stolen,

and no nightmares to encroach,

No pain within the silence of sleep…

"I failed you, TK. I failed you again, brother…" Matt was reduced to sobs by his own words.

Somewhere around him, he could hear Patamon's frantic crying.

"I can't hear you, Patamon. If I don't acknowledge this, then it isn't real." Matt sobbed, unable to hear his own voice this time.

_Brother, my brother…do not grieve… If you had not grieved so hard…_

A long, long time passed before anybody approached him. By now his eyes were burning holes in the ground as somewhere to look other than at his cooling brother- a body Matt was still trying in vain to keep warm.

"Matt?" Tai approached him carefully; aware that there was every possibility Matt would strike out at him, like a wounded animal. Matt did not acknowledge him at first. It took him a long time to raise his head.

He looked at Tai vacantly, his grief so clearly depicted on his face that Tai did not even need to ask any questions. Looking at Matt in this degenerated form, and again at the empty body of TK, tears refilled Tai's own red-rimmed eyes.

Matt's words were soft, but croaky when they finally came, and it was as if his mouth couldn't form them properly.

"Wha'ss Mom g'nna say?"

Tai looked away, not able to give a comforting answer to that question.

After a moment, he sat down on his legs, kneeling before Matt.

"I think you should let me take him." He said, after a deep but shaky breath.

"Mmo…" Matt said, his face sinking slightly- partly in his effort to speak and make sense and partly in his determination not to give his brother up. He huddled TK's body closer, dragging him away from Tai so that he couldn't steal him away.

Kari approached behind her own big brother.

She did not speak, she just knelt beside him.

She did not need to speak.

Matt could tell by looking at her that she felt about TK's death in a similar, but different way. She was sensitive, and they were good friends. Very good friends. He was somehow tuned in to the grief of the others in the group and could feel some kind of kinship with some of them. Kari was one of those he felt that sudden closeness to.

Matt was so distanced that he did not even hear or see Gabumon and Patamon approach. Patamon could hardly speak, but eventually words came to him.

"There _is _a way…" Gabumon looked at Patamon, warning him to stop.

"There _is _a_ way_…" Patamon whispered, tears in his eyes.

Some way off, distinct and heavy crying could be heard.

"Tell me. What do you mean?" Matt said, hoping against hope that Patamon meant what he thought.

"You can't tell him…" Gabumon pleaded. He knew what it entailed, he knew the drill. He knew the score on this _way_ and knew his digidestined well enough to know that he would not stop until he had exhausted every possibility of finding _the way_. Gabumon knew where _the way _was- but he wasn't prepared to tell Matt.

"I have to. If it were your Chosen Child you'd do the same." asserted Patamon, gazing at Gabumon.

"You can't…" Gabumon pleaded. His voice became aggressive suddenly.

"You _can't_." He instructed more than said.

"There is a way, Matt. A way for him to be reborn. You have to trust me." Patamon ignored Gabumon.

"No! Matt, don't listen. He's just…grief-stricken. Don't listen to him!"

"What way? Where?" Matt asked, his head rested back against the tree, as though it were too heavy to lift anymore. His eyes were fully open and focused on Patamon, though. His face suddenly creased as a scowl crept across it.

"Yolei…be quiet…be _quiet_…I'm trying to listen…" He whispered under his breath to the sound of her crying.

"The Temple of the Digivice…it can be done there…" Patamon continued, his wings too weak for him to even hover.

"Tell him. Tell him what it means, what you ask him to do." Gabumon uttered bitterly.

"I cannot. The full ritual can be explained only by Centarumon, only he knows it."

"Tell him what it _means_." Gabumon insisted, in a low voice.

"We don't know! Not for sure!" Patamon cried, suddenly turning on Gabumon.

"It doesn't matter." Whispered Matt. "For TK, anything's worth a try."

_If only you had left me for dead… I can never get over the feelings of guilt that I have… I cannot get over you, brother, or what you did… You are my blood, my brother…and blood of some form was all that it came down to…_

_I loved you then, I love you still, but now that love is tainted by pain and loss…_

"You will not survive." Centarumon said, lowering his head. Matt stood, shaking a little, his hands behind his head- still acting as though his head were too heavy for his neck.

"Doesn't matter." Matt sniffed, and shook his head slightly.

Tai flinched at this answer, and a wave of anger flooded over him. And he wasn't the only one. As one body, Tai and Davis stepped forward.

"What do you mean, '_it doesn't matter'_?" scowled Tai

"How can you say that?" berated Davis, their words spoken in unison and with the same driving force behind them.

"It matters to us! What's the point in losing one friend and saving them, just to lose another! Think about it Matt! For your mom and dad, losing _you_ will be just as bad as losing TK!" Matt did not even have the will to jump on Tai's words.

"But not for me." He said, simply. He caught Tai's eyes and he was mildly shocked at the amount of grief in them.

Matt closed his tired eyes.

"What choice do I have?" He mouthed, almost silently.

"You could choose to say no." Davis said quietly.

"I don't think that's an option." Stated Cody.

Matt laughed with a bitter twinge and shook his head in reply to Cody's comment.

"The chamber will be ready soon." Centarumon stated softly. He turned away, lighting candles and preparing oil pools so that they might be lit.

He knew this was hard for both the Digidestined and the Chosen Children. He had only consented to carrying out the ritual because of the old prophecy. 'Out of the rain of blood comes the fire of Hope.' It was an old prophesy, possibly older than even the Temple of the Digivice, older than old. It was written in the foundations of the Digiworld for the moment of utter darkness, where there was no Hope in the world. That moment had arrived.

"Matt! You're not listening to me!" yelled Tai, his fists balled, almost willing for Matt to argue back at him. Matt just shook his head slightly and lowered it.

"No." he confirmed.

"Matt…please listen to me…" Tai's voice softened.

Friend of my brother…brother of my friend…I beg you, talk some sense into him…

Matt looked up at Tai, his swollen eyes fixed on his friend's face. Izzy approached carefully.

"So you can say what, Tai? So you can tell me what a bad idea it is, how it's this way for a reason, how I have to just accept this? I can't Tai, and you know it."

"Matt… Have you even thought about this?"

"I don't _need _to think about it."

"Yes you do."

"No. I don't."

Tai was beginning to lose patience again. Izzy just put a hand on his arm, dispelling the sudden bad feeling Tai was exuding.

"Inevitably, it _is _Matt's decision, Tai. All we can do is make sure he has weighed up all the appropriate pros and cons and is making a decision based on the facts of the matter, and not his emotion."

"There _is _nothing but emotion at a time like this, Izzy! Matt, you're going to _die_ if you do this! Don't you even care?!"

"No." Matt mumbled. He wandered around for a moment, trying to reason with his own words.

"What kind of a world will it be without hope?" the blonde asked, his eyes closed.

"What kind of a world will it be without _friendship_?" Tai shot back. Matt opened his eyes and shifted them to Davis. Davis suddenly found himself looking at his feet.

"I'm not the bearer of friendship anymore, Tai."

Kari approached slowly. Izzy moved away from Tai, leaving Kari open space to go to his side. She took her brother's hand, rubbed his arm to make the tension go away, looked him in the face and smiled a little. After a moment, she let his hand slip from her grasp and walked forward to Matt, who was by this time sitting on the floor, head in his hands. Centarumon had left a wooden bowl and an athame for the rite, and Matt was close to them as they sat, innocent enough, on the cold stone floor. Kari knelt before him, and he lifted his eyes to acknowledge her.

"We can't stop you."

"Kari!" yelled Tai, his annoyance palpable.

Kari ignored her brother. Her eyes were full of sadness, but understanding resided deeper in the orbs.

"If we cannot stop you, then there is only one thing for us to do.

"We have to help you."

_Bitch…you should never have helped him do it… You can never understand how hard it is to try and forgive that. I do love you, and I can somehow _accept_ it, but I can never _forgive_ it. My brother needed your help to _stop_, not to _start_ the downwards spiral._

Matt did not move, made no motion- almost as if he hadn't heard what was said.

"What?"

Kari picked up the athame.

"We have to help you."

"Kari, you can't be serious!" Joe cried. "We can't help him take his own life! I mean, what point would there be in that?"

"Yes. We can." Kari replied, her eyes on Matt's- nothing else in sight. She took Matt's hand and laid the athame tight across it, applying a light pressure so that the edge of the blade hid just within the confines of his skin, but without breaking it.

Matt shivered as he felt the blade so close, so cold.

Kari did not take her eyes off his.

_She's daring him, _thought Izzy. _She's pushing him to an edge he can still come back from, yet trying not to push him over it. Checking to see if it's really what he wants._

Matt's face suddenly grew determined, and he snapped his hand up around the blade and pulled it back, across the edge. A small trickle of blood slid down the side of his hand. The look on Kari's face indicated hurt, but not surprise.

_It _is_ what he really wants,_ Izzy thought to himself, stunned. He had hoped, even expected that Matt would never have gone through with it, that through his misery he would have seen sense.

Izzy didn't have any siblings, and therefore knew nothing about the kind of relationship that Matt and TK had. He could never have understood the failure Matt felt in that context, never could understand exactly what it was that made Matt and Tai act the way they did about their younger siblings. Never had the _responsibility_.

"Are you ready?" Asked Centarumon finally. Matt nodded.

"Then open the doorway with you blood and be prepared to make your sacrifice." Centarumon lowered his head.

"I cannot believe I am helping a Digidestined in this, the most awful of ways." He whispered.

"It is the _only_ way to help me now." Matt responded, his voice equally as quiet.

"Then so be it." Centarumon replied, his face suddenly lit with the strength of the oil burning in its pits, of the candles that surrounded the huge centre-room circle.

For the first time, the group was finally able to see what was actually in the tall, cavernous temple room to any effect. At the very centre of the room was a large circle. There was cryptic program code within and around the edge of the main circle, which stood on a platform. Red and white circles were drawn out in powder around the edge of the raised staging.

Matt walked up to the circle, head lowered.

"If anybody has anything to say, it better be now." Matt said, without turning.

His friends were too speechless at his decision to even think of anything.

Matt didn't need to see their faces to know that their anguish and tears were real.

As Matt stepped forward, he felt hands on his arm. He did not turn.

"If this is _truly_ what you want…"

Matt heard the tremor in the voice of his best friend and felt Tai's head rest on his back. He still did not raise his head, did not move. His hair hung across his face, hiding it from sight. When he spoke, his voice was heavy with tears.

"I'm sorry, Tai."

"D-don't be. Don't go out being sorry. Go out being _proud_."

Matt took a deep breath and nodded. He clutched tightly to Tai's hands for a moment, then let his hand slide free. Tai did not try to hold on, did not move, although every instinct in his head screamed at him for not doing so. He finally found himself respecting Matt's decision. For he knew, in his heart of hearts, that he probably _would_ make the same one.

Matt finally turned around and surveyed his friends from his standpoint. Not one of them could look at him for more than a moment- except for Kari and Gabumon.

Gabumon found it difficult to move, but he did so. This would be his last chance to say goodbye.

"Don't, Gabumon…" Matt whispered. But Gabumon's eyes were full of more tears than could be counted. His voice was so heavy, that his mouth could not open to form it. He lowered his head and finally found the ability to speak locked deep inside.

"I'm sorry, Matt."

"Why? What have you got to be sorry for?" wept Matt.

"As your Digimon, I should have protected not only you, but the things you believe in. You believe in TK."

"Yes. I do."

"You are my friend, Matt. I love you now and I will love you always.

"You don't have to answer, because I already hear your reply."

Matt couldn't reply anyway. He was finding it too difficult to control his tears.

Finally, Matt locked eyes with Kari.

She walked forward, needing no words to bid her. She had made her proverbial bed and now she had to lie in it.

She had promised to _help_.

Matt knelt at the edge of the platform and Kari knelt below him, at floor level. She turned away for a moment, and once again lifted the athame. Their connection was only momentary in the scheme of time, but as fast and secure as any blood bond.

Matt reached out his arms, exposing two pale wrists.

_I can't…I can't watch…_

Shaking, Kari held the athame at a slight angle from Matt's wrists, only turning to drag the bowl closer- tugging it carefully under Matt's outstretched arms. Stilling one shaking hand with another, she pressed the knife blade as deep as she dared into Matt's skin. He winced, but the only tears he shed were the ones already waiting to be spilled for TK.

Still shivering, she laid the athame down on the stone floor and moved away, hardly able to believe her own promise.

Gradually, a small pool of blood formed in the bottom of the wooden bowl. The carvings on it's side were ornate, and appeared to be of an animal design. Or of Digimon- the well was so old it was hard to tell. Matt's vital fluid continued to pass out of his body into the vessel.

_Plip, plip, plip…_

"With his blood, I beseech ye, open all doors and let the blood ceremony begin on this, the most evil of days! _Yhe gheru'tz kca be meheberu yach iben t'siek!_" Centarumon bellowed. The light of the candles and oil wells suddenly flared at these last words.

As Matt eventually started to become weak through loss of blood, his head drooped even further. Every face in the group was contorted with distress as each of them tried to cope with what they were seeing.

Centarumon walked across to an ancient book on an old, old altar. Looking only once into the circle, he saw Matt stand, his whole body visibly weak.

"Nobody else but TK is to go into the circle." He reminded. Tai nodded at him, as he held TK ready in his arms.

Matt and Tai did not exchange words, but their eyes told stories that words never could. Tai reached up with TK's body. Matt reached out shakily for it, unsure for a moment if he would be able to carry the body of his kin. When he took TK in his arms, however, he suddenly found new resolution in his tired body.

He had a _reason _for doing this. There was so much more TK could do, so much more he could give than Matt could. He was the crest of hope. Matt didn't even technically guard any value anymore. The only value he guarded was TK, and he had failed to do that. His failure had cost his brother his _life_.

This ceremony, this ritual to swap one life into the body of another was Matt's only way to compensate for his failure. Like he had said to Tai, he didn't even need to think about it. He knew he would die. He knew that two people could not exist on one person's vital signs, but it was better that it be TK who survived. He was mentally stronger, his sweetness more pure, his dreams more innocent. It was better for everyone.

_H-how can you say that, Matt? H-how can y-you possibly say that? You're m-my brother, what am I with-thout you? I'm c-crying again and I c-can't help it…_

Matt lowered TK to the floor and then moved to grab the vessel which contained the first of his three sacrifices. When he had it, he knelt down behind TK again.

He lifted the bowl into the air, blood still trickling down his arms and staining his white shirt.

"With this as my first sacrifice, I open the first gate." Matt whispered, still holding the bowl high with both hands.

"With I as his witness, I open the second gate." Centarumon bellowed.

"With us as his advocates, we open the third gate." Intoned the group to the best of their current ability.

Matt's tears fell, tiny spots of wet, upon TK's shirt.

"W-with this as my integrity and second sacrifice, I open the f-fourth gate…" Matt said, haltingly.

On the final word, suddenly the room seemed to burst into flame for Matt, containing all who were inside and sealing all exits. The blood in the bowl suddenly leapt out, straight upward and formed itself into a shell around himself and his brother, a waterfall of red cascading all around.

Matt found it hard to hold up against the sudden pressure from the bowl. He gritted his teeth and pushed up against the weight, hoping that he would be able to support it all the way through the rite.

From outside the bubble, he could hear Centarumon's voice.

"_G'het ihru sachs meh ibet'h saru! War imbu'e wachts imtil!"_ Suddenly, the voice became weaker and farther away.

Suddenly, coldness thrust a spear through him. He gasped at the sudden iciness in his body as the first stage of the transfer began. He felt as though he were being drained of everything, as though every ounce of strength he had was being drawn out through his arms.

He saw TK shift though his visually impaired eyes. His movements were slow at first. Then, gradually, he could sense TK breathing, hear his breath in his ears. Through the continual draining of his body Matt smiled. He felt his heart leap into his mouth in hope, in renewed optimism that the ritual would work.

From his position on the floor, TK looked around and up at his brother through damp, sleepy eyes.

"Wh…?" He croaked. Matt couldn't stop the tears from flowing down his face.

"It's gonna be okay, Teek…" Matt forced though gritted teeth.

As TK managed to get some sort of a grip on the fact that he was able to move, he unsteadily crept to his knees on the ground, facing his brother.

"What are you doing?" he asked, his brow furrowing at the pained look on Matt's face. He saw the blood on Matt's wrists and instantly moved forward. He reached out to touch Matt, then snapped his hand back. Touching his brother had released a snatch of his memories through him- and Matt's most poignant memory had been of seeing TK die.

_I still…I still feel them, those memories…they're still here with me…_

"M-Matt? What's gong on?!" TK cried, the afterglow of Matt's memory still in his head. He looked terrified.

"You…you died…" Matt forced, feeling light-headed and weak. "This…this was…the only way. I had to bring you back…"

"But…but what are you doing?" TK asked, afraid of what the answer would be. He felt himself growing stronger by the second, his body sapping all the energy from the inside of the sphere. Again, he reached out to touch his brother, but was still pushed back by the intensity of his memories.

"Giving you…_my _life…" Matt urged a weak smile.

"What?!" TK's response was immediate. Regardless now of the flow of memories from his brother's body, he grabbed his shirt. Blinking to remove the burn of reminiscence from behind his retina, he stared into his brother's eyes, deep and oceanic eyes which were an identical colour to his own.

"You can't do this!" TK cried.

"I have to. You…you can't imagine how bad it was, how…much it _hurt_ me to watch you _die_…" Matt replied. His breath was harsh now, but in time with TK's own.

"But me…what about _me_? That's…that's what _I'm_ doing…"

For just a fragment of time, they were sharing the same heartbeat, the same breath, the same life force. TK could feel every thought in his brother's head, every hope and fear, every single dream. Their hearts as one, each in time with the other, each feeling what the other felt.

"We…we were always taught to _share_…" whispered TK, still with fists full of Matt's shirt. "But _not this way_…"

"I'm sorry TK…" Matt said, although they really didn't need to speak. They knew what the other would say before they said it.

"Only in the bubble can we…exist together. When it's gone, I will be too."

"Matt, no! No, you can't go!" TK wept, hot tears falling from his eyes. At the same moment tears filled Matt's eyes and fell, washing across TK's hands, burning them.

_Y-you can't go…_

"I'll…I'll be with you…you will never…be without me… My life is your life…" Matt could hardly open his eyes anymore. The drain on his body was too full, too complete. So complete in fact, that it was rapidly turning to intense pain.

TK could feel Matt's fragility and severe weakness somewhere inside his newly awakened body, could feel the sudden twinge of fear as he slipped further away.

"No!" yelled TK, shaking his brother. Suddenly, he stopped shaking him and flung himself around Matt, trying in vain to hold him here, to hold onto this moment as long as possible.

_Why?… Why are you doing this?…_

"Why!? Why are you doing this!?" TK cried, clinging to his brother's neck. The look of horror on TK's face was in stark contrast to the momentary look of ultimate serenity on Matt's face. Matt smiled at his brother through the bitter pain.

"Because I love you."

_Because…because I love you…_

"With this…m-my life, as…my third...and final sacrifice…I open the fifth gate…and complete…this most final…of transitions…" Matt uttered, his voice hardly even audible now.

"Matt, no!" TK managed to scream just before the side of the bubble opened up and spat him out, shaking, to the floor outside the circle. Immediately, it closed behind him.

The world hummed in TK's ears as he opened his eyes again to find himself surrounded by his friends. His body shook and shivered violently, as his vital organs tried desperately to come to terms with the fact that they had to work again. Outside of the sphere the real world caught up with him, the protective bubble no longer around him to nurture. He closed his eyes

"N-no…M-matt…" TK mumbled, his voice shivering as much as his body. Even though he was shivering, he felt as hot as fire, as though flames were dancing across his skin. He felt a jacket being laid over him and as he opened his eyes again, he could see Tai's worried face loom over him.

"M-Matt…? Where's Matt?" TK asked, trying vainly to move towards the circle. Tai looked, with pained eyes towards the red sphere. All of a sudden, the blood flew up to the ceiling and dissipated into nothingness. The bowl Matt had been holding the whole way through the rite rose with it, splintering and cracking into digital anomaly.

"_Matt_!!" TK watched as his brother fell, his empty body dropping to the cold stone circle, his arms still stained red, his skin white from lack of blood…

_Brother, no! Not again! Not this again!_

TK awoke, his eyes wide in his head, his pillow wet with tears. His breathing was irregular and his heart beat rapidly in his chest.

"Brother…I love you, too…" he whispered. "I miss you." A single tear escaped from beneath the warmth of his eyelids.

_Hush, little TK, don't you cry…_

The voice wasn't TK's.

"M-Matt?"

_-fini-_

* * *

Thank you for reading to the end of my fic. I hope it brought you some enjoyment :)


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